An Update

Thank you for your support. Really. 

Since my son Dillon’s series of seizures on April 17th, and his few days in hospital, he has been steadily recovering. In some ways, and to someone who has never met him, he appears completely normal. 

He tells another story though. Although each day is a little better than the one before, and he hasn’t had any more seizures, his brain is still not what it was… agile, responsive, and capable. 

He is back to working a light/limited schedule helping his boss with the administrative bits of running several restaurants. 

He seems to have received this as a wake up call and reminder that life is short, precious, and unpredictable, and to make damned sure he’s living in a way that matters to him. 

I’m grateful he’s okay, and your prayers and kindness continue to be needed and appreciated.

As the initial crisis phase of this whole thing tapers off, I’m increasingly aware that I have work to do with my own spirit. At this point in my life (like many folks), I’ve been through things that have buckled my knees and bent my spirit into the funny and unique thing that it is today.

Yes, I’ve been resilient and blessed in many ways.

And.

This feels like a section break in my life’s story… that blank page in between where it’s a good time for a drink refill and a bathroom break.

Although I’ve done a fair bit of self-work (I have an impressively thick stack of therapy receipts at this point), the truth is that it’s time for me to take a step forward in examining my fears and the collage of scars and duct tape that has carried me through two divorces, the loss of my kids’ mom to suicide, and a few other loop-the-loops and barrel rolls along the way. 

I’m aware of the fleetingness of life…. that my life (or anyone’s) could end at any point (mine hopefully in such outrageous fashion that folks at my memorial will be straining to hold back laughter….. taken out by a falling blue chunk of ice from an airplane toilet anyone?). 

Gallows humor aside, I also want to be prepared so that if I happen to live for another few decades, I’m not causing nightmares to those around me because I’m such a suppressed mess! 

Since leaving my most recent job at The Chaplaincy Institute, I’ve been taking time to rest, meditate, exercise, attend some art therapy sessions, generally turn inward, and tend to what I find there. As I do this, I’m finding myriad more questions. To that end, I’ve decided to do some solo travel to South America starting about a week from now. I’ll first be heading to Ecuador for a retreat with ayahuasca and San Pedro plant medicine healers to help in the process of self discovery. 

Who knows what the future holds, but if I have one bit of advice, it is this:  Do the thing you are here in this life to do. Ask the questions you’ve been afraid to ask. Give the hugs that would be awkward but you’d love to give. Say the things out loud that you haven’t had the time or courage to say. Hold yourself (and me) accountable to living a life of meaning – whatever that might look like to you. 

If you’re reading this, you’ve had a part to play in my story. You may not know that it’s an important part, but it is. I appreciate you. I listen and learn from you. I value your time and friendship, and I look forward to the next time our paths cross. 

Until then, thank you for caring, following along when the plot gets weird, and showing up for me. May you experience how good that support feels. A thousand times over.

In gratitude. 

AC